If you suspect a spouse of cheating, chances are really good that your instincts are correct. It is not uncommon for friends and family to attempt to dismiss your suspicions as an overactive imagination.
Unless you have “control” issues – a desire and inability to control another person – then you should always trust your instincts. I do know that people, who suffer “control” issues, often suffer from low self-esteem and have insecurity issues. It has also been my observation that many people who are “control freaks” are usually the first to stray from a marriage, and their concern about a spouse is often the result of a guilty conscience.
You know, better than a stranger ever would, if you are suspicious of another due to a guilty conscience or for other reasons.
Understanding The Reasons For Your Suspicions
Most often, when a spouse begins to suspect the other is cheating, it is because they have detected some hidden activities or expenditures.
When a husband is going out with the guys or a wife is going out with the girls, and neither the guys nor girls are ever identified by name, then chances are that there is some kind of activity that is being hidden from a spouse.
If your spouse is going out with friends, but will not say whom the friends are or where they are going, there is good reason to suspect a hidden activity. If you press for details and details are not forthcoming, then there is something afoot that is being hidden.
Most cheaters know that their friends do not want to lie for them, so he never says that he is going out with Jeff or Dan, and she will not say that she is going out with Lucy or Janet.
When asked where he is going, he might say he is going to shoot pool, but he will never say where he is planning to shoot pool. She might say that she is going out for a drink with the girls, but she will never say where she is going to get that drink.
Why are the details of the evenings’ activities being hidden? Simple enough. If he or she offers details about an activity, then you could check up on their story and catch them in a lie.
A spouse committed to a relationship is not interested in hiding anything from anyone.
Hidden Spending
Hidden expenses generally fall the same way. If you notice an odd expenditure that a spouse is unwilling to explain with much detail, then the spouse may be trying to hide something. Not always though – so be careful here. There was a time when I had an expenditure that I sought to hide from my spouse. She was really annoyed by me spending $200 and not telling her why I spent the money. But when our anniversary arrived, all was forgiven.
Most cheaters pay for their extracurricular activities with cash, but the brazen cheater will spend money on a debit card or credit card. Here it is important to pay attention to changes in spending habits. If he or she is suddenly spending more money than usual at places where money has never been spent before, then something may be afoot.
Even if spending cash, you can keep track of amount of money being spent by your spouse. You have an idea of how much cash your spouse carries, and will be able to note when your spouse suddenly needs more money to carry than usual.
When cash is running short, most people will sit down and draw out their budget to see where they are spending money. If you find yourself short on cash, and you wonder what your spouse is doing with all of that money, sit down and draw up a budget sheet, to get an idea of how much money they cannot or will not account for to you.
Time And Money
As a general rule, the easiest way to expose a cheat is by monitoring time and money. If there are any gaps in either time or money, seek an explanation. If an explanation comes, seek details.
Fewer verifiable details should generally be viewed as suspicious. If you know who his or her friends are, call his friends when he or she is “out with friends”. By calling and asking to speak with him or her, you will know which friends he or she is not with that evening. Through a process of elimination, you can get closer to the truth.
You don’t want to be seen as checking up on them, so make sure you have a real “reason” to call and talk to him or her.
If he or she has his or her own cell phone, calling the friends could backfire on you, so do be careful.
Other Ideas To Catch A Cheater
If you have discretionary income, you might be able to invest in GPS tracking tools that can be placed somewhere inside of your spouse’s car, and with today’s technology, you can monitor most any GPS tracking tools on the Internet.
A quick search on Google for “spy tools” will tip you off to a full range of technology and products that can be used to “spy” on your spouse and catch a cheat in the act.
If you don’t want to do the dirty work yourself, you can always hire a private investigator to help you find the evidence of a cheating spouse. If you are interested in using a private investigator, visit our website to find information about an infidelity investigator, who specializes in catching cheaters on the internet and offline.
Never Tip Your Hand Until You Have The Goods
The final advice I wish to pass on is that you should never ever tip your hand that you are suspicious, until which time you have proof that will stand up in a court of law.
Having a cheating spouse will always encourage the judge to take your side in a court of law. But accusations of cheating are not enough to sway a judge into your favor – you need proof. So it is essential to get proof, before your cheating spouse realizes that you are suspicious of him or her.
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Donny Prentice writes about divorce and relationships. To find out more specific advice about how to catch a cheater or other important topics, please continue reading some of our other articles. If you are looking for advice to help you through the divorce process, our website provides helpful divorce advice for men and divorce advice for women on our website: http://www.divorcethinktank.com/blog/
Tags: catch a cheater, cheat, cheater, cheating spouse, how to catch, infidelity detection
If you know your husband is cheating, AND you know who his other woman is, SHOULD YOU confront the other woman?
On the surface, I would say NO, definitely not.
There could be more to lose, than what there is to gain in that situation.
You should review the strength of your evidence and talk to your attorney about this specifically, before you make any attempt to contact the other woman.
Most importantly, once you confront her, she may tell you husband, putting him and her on the defensive.
A cheater once caught will usually try to play the victim, not only with you, but also with your friends and family. If your cheating husband can convince your friends or family that you were in the wrong – neglecting his needs or whatever excuse he might use – then your friends or family could side against you in the divorce process. So, you should never tip your hand, before your attorney is ready for you to do so.
You are a woman, and you have friends who are women, so you know that what I am getting ready to tell you is true. Some women relish the role of the other woman. While it is true that most women would be offended to know the truth and will stand by your side in the courtroom to testify as to your husband’s cheating ways, you should never count on her to be the kind who will be as upset as you are about your husbands’ philandering ways.
If your evidence is strong and it will hold up in a court of law, then you don’t need her help to expose your husband. But if your evidence is weak, the other woman might prevent you from getting the evidence you need to convince the judge that your husband is a cheating spouse.
You should protect your own interests at all times, especially if you are pursuing a divorce. And confronting the other woman or other women could create more problems than it solves.
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If you are still seeking evidence of your husband’s cheating ways, consider the following resources:
- The book, How To Catch A Cheating Spouse, is written by professional investigators and teaches sure-fire ways to catch a cheating spouse, and how to document it properly for use in the court room.
- There are Private Investigators, who specialize in finding evidence of cheating on the Internet. You can hire these specialized Private Investigators to search for evidence of your spouse on online dating sites, chat rooms, and in personal’s advertisements.
Tags: cheat, cheater, Cheating, cheating husband, court, evidence, judge, other woman, other women
If you are going through a divorce or anticipate your marriage may be ending, you need to make sure your financial future is secure. Women, who often take the hardest emotional blow in the divorce, forget that once the pain is over, they have to live.
Some couples divorce on good terms and truly want to help their soon-to-be former spouses succeed. However these are rare cases. Most divorces have a battleground and that battleground is usually money and children.
The court system is complicated and you need an advocate that will protect you. While attorneys are often perceived in a negative light, a good divorce attorney is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, that negative perception has been earned by attorneys who have not represented their clients honestly yet still have demanded hefty fees. But you can weed out the bad from the good.
- Go to the courthouse and ask the court clerks which attorneys handle the most divorces in your area. If you have time, research the cases to see which attorney wins the most in situations similar to yours.
- Learn how the court system works. If you have time, sit in on one or two divorce cases that are being heard.
- Find an attorney that specializes in family law. Don’t believe this is their specialty because of an ad in the phone book. Again, ask questions to people other than the divorce attorney.
- Don’t be afraid to shop around. Your attorney is the key to your success in your divorce. Consider several before deciding on one.
Once you have narrowed your list down to two or three attorneys, interview them before choosing one. Some key questions you should ask are:
- How much will this cost me? If they give you a low amount, the attorney may be desperate and just trying to get your business. A high priced attorney does not mean high quality. If you choose to spend a lot of money, make sure the attorney is worth the cost. Ask if payment arrangements are available.
- Find out what is included in the estimate. Will the attorney charge you every time he or she sends a fax or takes a phone call on your behalf? Will a paralegal be doing some of the work at a lower hourly rate? Get details.
- How often has this attorney tried divorce cases in this courtroom? Getting a sharp out of town attorney can penalize you if you are in small community.
- When conducting these interviews, look for an attorney that makes you feel comfortable. Your attorney is your partner in your divorce as you attempt to stand up for your rights. If you don’t feel like you can express your feelings openly to your attorney, you are likely will not be successful in court.
If you suspect a divorce is imminent or if you recently separated, don’t delay in finding an attorney. Don’t let your ex be the first one to strike, particularly if a bitter battle is ahead of you. You need that advocate by your side as soon as possible.
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(c) 2008 Cathi Adams.
Cathi Adams is the author of “Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know.” This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report -What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com http://www.DivorceCourtSecrets.com
Tags: divorce attorney, divorce court, divorce law, divorce lawyer, hiring an attorney, legal advice, secrets